This is the day. The day once a year where I get to fall apart. Five years ago, right around this very time of day I knew you were gone. And even still, this day seems to take me by surprise each year ~ the day before your birthday. Because your life and death were both so fast and complex. Short and beyond words.
Your life changed mine.
And I ache for you, I do.
I still see little 5 year old girls and think, Amelia would be doing that or saying this. It is all just so surreal. And now that we are in a new town, no one knows you and it kills me. No one is going to ask if I am alright or say that they remember you with me. Not here. No one knows us, so they don’t know you. And that makes me sad ~ seeing this square on the calendar that celebrates you still, but without you here.
I am betting that we may get a few stares as we release balloons this year. I am sure a neighbor may look outside their window and wonder why pink balloons are floating up to heaven. Well, I hope they ask ~ because I won’t hesitate to tell them all about you.
I remember…and am honored to have walked it with you. Lifting you all up in prayer at this time. Miss you guys!
Oh Stephanie how my heart aches for your loss. Big hugs to you on this difficult day and prayers for comfort!
Much love,
Holly
What a gorgeous piece, and your picture is lovely. Amelia had swirls and swirls of hair, she was surely a beauty.
Take good care of yourself today and always. And tell us more about her when you’d like, many of us would love to hear about your girl.
Good for you. I lost a little boy 15 years ago, he was just four days old. I have been told several times that I shouldn’t talk about him because it may upset other people.
I say “sod them”.
He was my son, and I will not deny his existence for the sake of anyone.
I talk about him whenever I like and if it upsets anyone, they can get lost.
Our children may not be with us in life, but they are always in our hearts. We are still their parents, we do not need to worry about what others think.
Beautiful xxx
Hi Steph,
I am very sorry for your loss and thank you for this heart touching post. I also lost my baby girl a year ago and it was very diffecult for me to experience the first birth/death day. I can’t imagine how it would be with the 5th. I think people always forget aboit our angles. For me, nobody asks about me anymore. They al think I am over it and I am moving on already. Nobody feels the ache that still inside, and nobody feels the agony of loss. I too think of how would my baby look like if she was still alive, what would be her first word… I always see babies of her age, some are family. Sometime ut’s very hard for.me to watch them, they always remind me of my baby. Thank you for sharing these words again. I feel your pain and I really understand your feelings. I am sorry for you loss again.