Elation.  Accomplishment.  Relief.  Exhaustion.  Hopefulness.  Joy.

When my creative heart blooms and I am able to translate what is in my head onto paper ~ I feel all these emotions.

I am just so grateful that I can birth my idea and see it come to life!   And there is really something amazing in the journey of it all.  An almost miraculous harmony that I get to feel.  Like God is saying “This is why I have given you this gift”.   And for a moment, I sit contentedly.  Feeling purposeful and productive because I listened to the whisper and gave it a voice.

Heartbroken.  Sad.  Darkness.  Sorrow.  Pain.  Ache.

And then I am contacted by a mother who needs this creation.  I get beautiful supportive responses from women who tell me that they wish they had something as precious for their children. And I immediately swing to that moment two and a half years ago, when I would give anything to have my baby girl here and return this gift.  I would ever so gratefully thank God for this talent, but respectfully decline and ask to have Amelia back.

I know I don’t get to choose, but I really wish I could.

And in the wake of these mixed emotions, I carry a feeling of pride that I can, at the very least, use the gift well.  Being a steward was never so hard.