Elation. Accomplishment. Relief. Exhaustion. Hopefulness. Joy.
When my creative heart blooms and I am able to translate what is in my head onto paper ~ I feel all these emotions.
I am just so grateful that I can birth my idea and see it come to life! And there is really something amazing in the journey of it all. An almost miraculous harmony that I get to feel. Like God is saying “This is why I have given you this gift”. And for a moment, I sit contentedly. Feeling purposeful and productive because I listened to the whisper and gave it a voice.
Heartbroken. Sad. Darkness. Sorrow. Pain. Ache.
And then I am contacted by a mother who needs this creation. I get beautiful supportive responses from women who tell me that they wish they had something as precious for their children. And I immediately swing to that moment two and a half years ago, when I would give anything to have my baby girl here and return this gift. I would ever so gratefully thank God for this talent, but respectfully decline and ask to have Amelia back.
I know I don’t get to choose, but I really wish I could.
And in the wake of these mixed emotions, I carry a feeling of pride that I can, at the very least, use the gift well. Being a steward was never so hard.